My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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