If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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