I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize