Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
