Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
