Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
