when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
