I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
