At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Someone shattered a urinal.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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