tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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