If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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