SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
