whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
