Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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