his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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