he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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