I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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