my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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