Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Bring me that man meat
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
