dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
