I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize