I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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