So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
