clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
