Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
