You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize