i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
