Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yo dont text me then not text me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
