this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize