Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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