thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
