In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
