Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
