I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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