You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
