the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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