i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
