On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
