Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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