do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
