and i looked up. we had an audience...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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