just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
