She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
