i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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