Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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