Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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