i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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