I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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