well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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