party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's blow job season.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
