roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
