8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize