Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
