i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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