people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
