Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
