I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
