Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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