It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
