Are we in a gay sports bar?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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