He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
