I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
