that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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