you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize