when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
