somebody snuck up and got me drunk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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