first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
