i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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