she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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