I can text with my tongue
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
