I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
