If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
