My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
