I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
