Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
