i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
