can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
