All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize