ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
