I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
