Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize