I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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