My sheets look like a crime scene.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
