yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
