that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
