My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
