you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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