I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
