nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
