Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
