I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Operation Purity has been aborted
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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