shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
