God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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