if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When are your genitals available?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
