Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize