he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
