You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
