My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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