Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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