nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
