i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
