If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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