Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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