There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
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