You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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