will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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