I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This house was built for laser tag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
